Image by Three-shots from Pixabay
[Editor’s note: A tongue-in-cheek piece for Halloween.]
Do you feel most alive at night, detest garlic, and have a habit of lurking in the shadows?
Whether you wear a cape daily or just once a year for Halloween, you can fang Lawn Love for ranking 2022’s Best Cities for Vampires.
We looked for cities with plenty of warm bodies, blood centers, and vampire-friendly dwellings — aka casket suppliers and homes with basements. We also considered deterrents like garlic festivals and sunshine, as well as community and entertainment factors, such as vampire groups, nightlife options, and vampire tours.
Slake your thirst for blood knowledge and plan your next blood donation with our city rankings and analysis below.
Northern Nosferatus vs. Southern Slayers
Sunless Northern cities crept to the top, with New York leading the way as our vampire empire.
NYC is the ideal city for vampires, thanks to having the most potential victims. It also has the most slaughterhouses and vampire groups out of all the cities in our ranking. It doesn’t hurt that the MTA runs 24/7, and eccentric styles are so common that vampires can easily blend right in.
Big cities like New York, Chicago (No. 2), and Seattle (No. 13) have plenty of fresh blood, nightlife options, and casket suppliers.
It’s no surprise that Surprise, Arizona, came in dead last and other sunny Southern cities fell in our ranking, with other Arizona cities plus Nevada and California taking up the bottom 10. While fewer layers of clothing might make it easier to sneak a drink through all four seasons, it’s hard to avoid the sun’s rays with maximum sunshine, minimal cloud cover, few homes with basements, and scarce casket suppliers (especially in California).
- New York: In the 1870s, dozens of NYC vampires skipped the daily cup of joe and instead opted for a hot cup of blood from the nearest slaughterhouse. These days, vampires tend to grab a drink at Madame X and Death and Co NYC, according to Yelp.
- Chicago: Gather with fellow Midwestern vampires at the Chicago Vampire Ball, or enjoy a quiet night at home reading through the Chicago-based vampire series “Chicagoland Vampires.”
Transylvania, USA
Is Pennsylvania the Transylvania of America? Maybe so — both of the biggest Keystone State cities made their way into our top 10.
Philadelphia brings home the bronze with a high number of vampire groups and tours (No. 2 in both). Philly also has a high population, abundant nightlife options, and numerous blood drives to keep vampires well fed and entertained. Pittsburgh isn’t too far behind at No. 6, with plenty of blood centers, casket suppliers, and basements to appease sunless lifestyles.
German immigrants may have brought vampire lore and panic to the colony, leading to numerous superstitious vampiric exhumations up until 1949. The Erie Cemetery is even rumored to house a cursed vampire crypt.
- Philadelphia: Explore dark folklore, and learn how to identify a vampire at The Mütter Museum’s Dracula and the Incorruptible Body exhibition.
Shadowy histories
Despite lacking in Food and Drink and Lair Safety, New Orleans (No. 15) continues to grow its vampirical legacy. NOLA has the most vampire tours due to local icons like legendary author Anne Rice and infamous vampire Jacques St. Germain. Louisiana and California are both hot spots for vampire film set locations, such as for “True Blood,” “Interview With The Vampire,” and “The Originals.”
San Francisco (No. 5) follows closely behind in tours (No. 2), thanks to the historically scary Nob Hill neighborhood. The Golden City also has plenty of blood centers, vampire groups, and nightlife options to balance out the sunshine and herb shops. Beware The Stinking Rose, a restaurant that proudly claims the mantra “We season our garlic with food.”
Sunny Los Angeles (No. 4) impresses with the highest number of vampire-friendly nightclubs, in addition to the second highest population and numerous slaughterhouses, casket suppliers, and vampire groups.
- Los Angeles: Explore fictional Sunnyvale (not to be confused with the real Sunnyvale, California), where Buffy and the Scooby Gang slayed vampires and other evil supernatural beings. The City of Angels is also home to Alex’s Bar (aka Fangtasia in “True Blood”), the annual Endless Night Vampire Ball, and master fangsmith Father Sebastiaan.
- San Francisco: Take a vampire tour through Nob Hill to explore historic and haunted sites including the Grace Cathedral, Huntington Park, and Fairmont Hotel.
- New Orleans: NOLA boasts streets of Victorian architecture, the annual Anne Rice Vampire Ball, and Boutique du Vampyre. You might even see some creatures of the night lurking around the French Quarter after sundown — maybe Jacques St. Germain?