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Martini Rant - What is a Couple?

07 August 2015  

What Is A Couple?

LGBT is the initialism for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender. Recently, we've seen LGBT begin to morph into LGBTQ, with Q being "queer".  I can only assume that Q is a G on sexual-orientation-steroids, or, no? Not sure. I guess that makes me an "initial-less" heterosexual or "cisgender". Wait, what?

Perhaps I'm an H, for heterosexual, or maybe S for straight, or SP for straight person? Or maybe, DNQ, initialism for "Definitely Not Queer". But, that may not be specific enough since then I may be labeled a G or B. All this "initialing" or labeling brings me back to the 80's and the rock band Tesla. They were famous for their remake of  The Five Man Electrical Band's tune, "Signs":

“And the sign says "Long-haired freaky people need not apply
So I put my hair up under my hat, and I went in to ask him why
He said you look like a fine outstanding young man, I think you'll do
So I took off my hat, I said "Imagine that, huh, me working for you."

Ceaseless Human Signage
Regardless of this endless cult of labeling and ceaseless human production of signage (and get ready for the "Vote for" signs), my question remains, "What is a couple these days?” By the way, its not "race". Its "species" - that's a topic for another rant. (Sorry for the rant tangent there).

No, I'm not talking about L's, G's, B's, T's, or even the Qs. I don't care about any of that. I am asking, what is a couple? Literally.

My quest to solve this inquisition of multiplicity, which apparently is debilitating to a few, was answered by an 8-year old one day while cashing out in the line of a popular fast food establishment.

You Know That Combo
While my daughter and I were checking out at the register, I said to the cashier, "We'd like a couple of chocolate chip cookies with our sandwiches."  Now remember, my daughter is standing next to me, and we just ordered 2 drinks, 2 sandwiches, and 2 bags of potato chips - you know that combo.

"How many would you like?", asked the gal with the t-shirt adorned with a couple strands of lettuce and several stains.

"A couple," I repeated as I nodded my head with affirmation.

"3, 4?", she asked.

"No," I said. Just a couple please."

"So, three, okay," she responded as she reached into the plexi-tower full of various, and many chocolate chip cookies.

Father-Daughter Telepathy
Turning to look at my 8-year old daughter, I beamed her that father-daughter telepathic "OMG" with my eyes wide open, and I said, "No, just a couple just for her and me.  Not a few, not several, just a couple."

The next thing that was said made my life.

The Epiphany and Pride
My daughter, being caught in the confluence of my OMG-beam and her epiphany that a person of authority, in this case the keeper of the cookies, may just be a tad less "with it" than an 8-year old like herself says, "A Couple, as in TWO, like the couple on top of a wedding cake."

I was floored. I was laughing at the vision of two rosy cheeked figures, atop a wedding cake.  My laughter was only championed by my pride in someone paying such careful attention to diction. That someone being my daughter, was icing on the cake.  And no, it was not a LGBTQ wedding cake - not that there's anything wrong with that.  I just don't know how to imagine two "Q's" atop a wedding cake!

A Couple is TWO
So, getting down to the nitty-gritty, a couple is TWO (2). Specifically, "two of the same sort considered together; pair." - noun. []

Where it may get confusing is when using words such as "few", "several", or "many". That's up for debate. But let's make it clear. A couple is a couple. Nothing unclear or "Q" about it!

So, let's stop labeling and have a couple of cookies together. We just might have a few laughs and learn several things about one another.

Previous Rant:
Love, Hate, And The Chocolate Shake Machine of Goodness